Until we meet again

This past Monday was both one of the most exciting times and hardest times of my life. We saw little baby bean on the ultrasound measuring right on track at 8 weeks, and was told looks great! Heart rate at 172! However this joy was short lived for about 2 hours as we then drove to the hospital to remove the life support that was keeping my Dad alive.

That morning the doctors told us there was nothing more they could do, and my family had to make a choice, my only request was that we do it after the appointment so we could see the baby and show him. A wish granted that I will forever be indebted to my Mom for. We never got to say goodbye, it was so sudden and just like that he passed on Saint Patrick’s Day.

We’ve decided if bean is a boy he will take his middle name, and we will teach them about Grampy and how much he loved him/her already.

After leaving the appt and only seeing the NP my amazing doctor called because he just wanted to check in that I was doing ok and to give his condolences. I’m truly hoping he is the doctor there when it comes time to deliver, he doesn’t just treat the baby he treats the family as a whole.

I love you Dad, until we meet again, prayers for you always 💕

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Betas and baby

I called my doctor to tell them the best news I could give! And they said to come on in for a blood test and schedule my first set of appointments, I can’t believe this is my life!

The first test was done on Tuesday 2/17 was a 184! Whoa! And my second draw today 2/20 showed a number of 893!! They said unless anything changes they felt comfortable not seeing me again until my first ultrasound, March 9th. Spring cannot come soon enough now!

I’ve been feeling pretty good, still peeing more, still really hungry, and still beyond grateful to God for this gift. I have mild cramping here and there and I feel nervous at times but remind myself that my body is changing to adjust for the baby.

I am keeping all of you in my prayers that have been blessed and hope that it continues. And also all of you still waiting, my heart is with you and all I can say is keep the faith and know it all happens for a reason. One that will hopefully lead you to the baby you desire very soon!

Cheers & prayers 😊

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Still in shock

I still have to keep telling myself I’m pregnant, keep looking at the sticks to make sure I wasn’t mistaken. And yet there they are, beautifully looking back at me with positives! My donors wife is ecstatic, randomly will say, “oh hey, YOU’RE PREGNANT!” It’s nice having someone sharing my enthusiasm, wife is notoriously a more reserved person with her emotions and this baby is included. Not to say she hasn’t celebrated, but in her own way and one only those close would recognize as pure joy.

I want to put up my post-ovu symptoms as I was reading anything I could get ahold of to see if I had a glimmer of one:

Post day 1-4: nothing super special

Post day 5-7: again nothing much just noticing I’m a bit more tired, but I chalked that up to the flip floping of snow day and clinical days(for school). I also have been very restless in my sleep, can’t stay asleep very vivid dreams, and wake up to pee in the middle of the night( I’m usually a great sleeper) this continues for the rest of the days, and frankly hasn’t let up

Post day 8-9: my boobs start to feel sore, not super painful, more on the side, similar to when AF is coming. Increased fatigue, and cannot get full. I have a sore throat and noticed I have to blow my nose more, also peeing more frequently. All of these go with my PMS, starting to feel out this month

Post day 10-11: at school I get bouts of lightheaded feeling, and have to take a minute to get it back. I also contributed this to school, it’s midterms week and any nursing student will tell you they’re a killer. I have increased BM but similar to “period poops” lol for the TMI. My frequent peeing continues, I’m talking within every hour just about needing to go, I’m used to going about 3 times a day.

Post day12: woke up valentines day very tired, hungry, and emotional..my poor wife lol. We even fought because I was so upset she didn’t make me breakfast (sad fat girl much?) so I go into the bathroom for what feels like my 10th pee of the morning and take the test. The double lines show up immediately!! I’m so many emotions and all I can do is wave this stick around like a wand of joy!

Post day 13: another stick and it’s already darker and thicker! I will be calling my doctor 2/16 for a blood test to confirm!

I told my wife and we called our donor and our sisters, we haven’t told anyone else yet because we want to wait til Easter so we can theme it to a holiday, wicked cheesey, but we’re like that haha. I told wife I needed to go get more tests, because if nothing else we all know peeing on sticks is comfort we find every month. I buy two brands FRER and Clearblue digital with weeks estimator.

While I was at Target I couldn’t help but go to the infant aisle, a place I visited time to time and ultimately left feeling sad and empty. But this visit I was bursting with joy and grateful ness to God that I knew it was fate when I found a NB teddy jacket. According to all the calendars I am due in late October, so I thought how perfect! And then I saw it was only $6 what a steal! I bought it and proclaimed it and this baby my best Valentines gift ever!

Sorry this post goes on longer than this New England winter but I am so overjoyed and feel as though you all understand! Cheers, prayers, and a beautiful year to everyone!

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Valentines, what a wonderful day

This weekend was the weekend I came out to my family 6 years ago, so Valentines has always held a special place in my heart. This weekend makes no exception!

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We are over the moon with joy! Cheers and prayers for this baby, please stay with us we love you so much already!

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400

So I got the test results back from my doctor, and I honestly hadn’t prepared myself enough.

I had prepared myself for some bad fertility news, but not actual health concerns. Fertility speaking everything checked out good, but my cholesterol is 400! 400! They like it to be below 150, and I’m at 400! I wanted to throw up, I could have serious problems if I can’t get that under control. I’m grateful that everything else came back good, but that was such a kick in the face.

Sunday AF is expected, and I’m praying beyond words she doesn’t show, and a BFP is in her place. Until then I’ll be distracting myself with the gym, checking food labels, and hanging out with my pup & wife.

All things crossed, cheers to another Valentines Day!

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I’m sorry what?

Does anyone else ever get the feeling they are representing all of the gay community sometimes? Let me give you the back story…I’m at school and constantly being told that I would love such and such show because I like girls. Usually I brush it off and assume people just must not know many gays in their life. However this past year at school has really pushed my limits. I am beyond sick of explaining to nurses of all people that NO I don’t sleep with our donor every month. And NO my wife certainly would not be ok with that since it’s “easier.” It is just infuriating to me that they feel they can ask that, and that they don’t realize how stupid they sound.

On that note if one more straight person tells me their story of how they “just relaxed and enjoyed each other and it just happened,” I’m gunna throw up. I just about went off on my instructor about how there is no relaxing when this is all planned pretty much down to the minute, and that having to have a third party involved doesn’t exactly set the mood. She then proceeded to go on about how much it annoys her that teens get pregnant and don’t ever want that baby, and how it hurts her so personally because she can’t imagine doing that to her children. I wanted to be like hello, of course it hurts to see a 15 yr old with a baby, knowing the likely hood she spent months charting, checking her mucous, and watching every single thing that went into her body is slimmer than the line you are crossing.

I guess this month I’ve done a lot of reflection, and searching. I have made my peace with God, and that in time a baby will come. But I also know a month, two months from now I may be throwing my hands up to him in anger and that I think scares me the most.

We start trying again this Thursday, and now are involving our doctor, baby steps as it is just some further testing he wants to run, but still a glimmer of hope lies in those test as does a shadow of fear.

Happy blizzard to anyone who is riding out the east coast, especially anyone in the Boston area with me! And congratulations to all you mommas out there who’ve made it another week closer to meeting your miracles!

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